Calm

After yesterday’s failed trial run on the lighter sedative David is having a rest day today.  He is back on a type and dosage of sedative/pain meds that allow him to still be responsive and cough up mucous but high enough that he is calm and restful.  The bacteria causing his pneumonia has been identified and he is on a more precise antibiotic.  The plan is to allow David to rest for a couple of days and let his lungs recover so that he can oxygenate well, and then try again to bring him up to consciousness.  The next real goal is to have him conscious enough to breathe and calm enough to not need much sedation.  His doctor continues to be cautiously optimistic about his recovery.

Today I am feeling peaceful, after the emotional storms of last night.  I dreamed of him, whole and smiling, sliding his arms around me and holding me close.  Warm, familiar and filling me with comfort.  It feels like home when he holds me and it always has.  Today in this moment I am certain I will feel his embrace again one day.  I pray I will be given the strength, little by little to bridge the great wide chasm between this time of alone-ness and that day when I can return home to my resting place in his arms.

Something I would like to share is that I have never before in my life felt in such a real and palpable way the power of prayer.  It’s something I’ve heard talked about often but in the past 6 days I have literally felt it around me, giving me clarity, holding my pieces together, comforting me.  It comes to me from you, from Heavenly Father, surrounding me and filling in all my weak spaces.  I really don’t know how to describe it but it is truly, magnificently powerful and real.  Deep thanks to all of you praying for us and keeping us in your hearts.  What you are doing matters and has made a difference.

I know all my days will not be as peaceful as today but when the next storm comes it will be this power and comfort that I will cling to and that will bring me through.